Do we let ourselves go after having children?

I hear that a lot, you probably hear that too. “People let themselves go after having kids”. Most of the time it is directed at women who struggle to lose the pregnancy weight or whose body changed a lot and never looks quite the same. But it can also impact the other parent, who didn’t go through pregnancy but parenthood still left traces.

I work as a trainer and I work with a lot of parents. I am a mother of two young girls (2 and 4 year old) and I have been through high risk pregnancies and difficult post partums. I “bounced back” fast both times because sport is not only my job but also my passion but not everyone has the same situation. First, I have family in Berlin and a great support system that allowed me to go back to the gym really early after giving birth. A lot of people in Berlin are expats and don’t have any family around so it is not always that simple. Then, being a parent is HARD. SO HARD.

The lack of sleep, the post partum depression, the never ending tasks… I love being a mother, but it’s exhausting and sometimes I just feel physically and mentally weak and the only thing I want to do when I have me time is to stay on my couch and scroll social media (not shaming anyone, if you know me you know I am scrolling too much but I do it from the treadmill!).

I hear that so much from parents “I let myself go after I had kids”. You didn’t let yourself go, you didn’t go anywhere, you’re still here. Sometimes it might feel like this body, or even this life is not the same, and they’re not. People change, we all do, parents or not. Life is not constant and that’s what makes it beautiful. You gained weight maybe, you’re not as fit as before, you lost strength. But you didn’t let yourself go. Muscles come back and the fat can go. Start your fitness journey by giving yourself some grace and be gentle to yourself. Being a parent is no joke, you do what you have to do to make it through the days.

That being said, obviously I believe that it’s so important for everyone to be healthy and fit in order to grow old and feel good as long as possible. You also feel more energetic and confident and just happier when you work out and eat healthy. That’s why I’m always making sure I use my personal time for working out first before any other sort of entertainment, and it requires an effort initially but really quickly you feel like you need that time. Our children also look up to us so it’s so important to teach them about the importance of a healthy diet and daily movement.

So while parents like everyone else will feel much healthier and happier if they have a workout routine and a good diet, it’s important to remember that we don’t let ourselves go. Sometimes we just fall into bad habits because it feels easier until it doesn’t. Be gentle with your bodies and work with and for them because you will need them during the whole journey.