Ego kills growth: turn envy into study.

I know a lot of successful people. I know a lot of beautiful women. And since I work in the fitness industry, obviously I know a lot of people who are doing the same job as me, or simply people in the gym who work out a lot and look super fit. Every day, I meet people who are doing better than me at something, and it never bothers me.

When I was a child, my dad always said “we are all someone’s stupid” meaning that there’s always someone who will know better than us about something. And as humans we spend so much time looking at what others have or do better than us and envy them. It’s a natural human feeling and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. What is killing our growth is to be bitter and jealous. We justify why we’re not doing as well as this person to feel better “well, my dad is not rich like his so it’s not fair”, “she did plastic surgery that’s why she looks good” etc. etc., you can just see those types of comments everywhere on social media but also in real life. 

Obviously I’m a human too and sometimes it happens to me too. I see a super young fitness influencer and think “well, it’s easy to be fit when you’re 20 and you never had kids”. Then I catch myself feeling envious, and I remember how terrible my lifestyle was at 20. So yes it’s easier to be fit at 20, but a lot of 20 year olds chose to party and eat junk food every day (like I did), so we can praise those who are working out daily and succeed in the fitness field so young. 

So it’s not about being perfect and never feeling jealous. But when we do, we can just pause and wonder why we feel that way. If we feel jealousy, it means someone is doing better than us at something. We can study it to grow. I am a mom and I have my own business. Some friends of mine are INCREDIBLE mothers. Like the kind who are doing cute crafts and make hand made clothes and they’re just patient and kind and they have the best tips. I always go to them for advice and I try to replicate things they do that I feel I can apply to my family. It’s important to be realistic. One friend of mine always cooks incredible meals for her kids. I would love to, but I hate cooking and I am terrible at it (I know people always say if you try you will improve but I swear I just can’t). So I admire what she’s doing (and try to get some food from her sometimes because her cakes are the best) but I know I will never do it myself. And that’s fine. I am not the perfect mom, but I think I am perfect for my kids. 

I also have my own business and I’m constantly asking for advice from people I know and reading books from people I admire or listening to podcasts. Some people never ask for help because they’re afraid to look weak or stupid but asking for advice is the best thing you can do. It doesn’t mean you have to apply them, but knowledge is power. I am also a Personal Trainer and before I started I spent time following many PTs on social media to see what they’re doing, I spent hours comparing different styles and approaches. I even trained with different PTs just to see what other people are doing. Obviously this is a more expensive approach but there’s a lot of free ressources, especially with social media to see what people who are doing the things you want to do are doing. 

It doesn’t mean you copy people, but you learn from other people’s best practice. It is important to be really authentic and have your own style that aligns with your own values. I am really proud to have my voice and style and training philosophy. Other PT have really different styles and I never want to copy theirs but sometimes they might be really good at social media or have good social skills or they might do an exercise in another way and I really like to talk with them about this. Of course, like in any industry, some people might think that what they’re doing is the best and everyone who is doing something different is wrong. But even from those people you can learn things. But I like to surround myself with people I can learn from but who are also open to learning because we can all learn from each other.  

There will always be people who are better than you at some things. When I see people (friends or just people I know or even people online) who are doing something much better, I will try to inspire myself from them if it’s something I want to improve. Sometimes it’s not possible: if I see a woman who is incredibly beautiful in a way that I could never be because we look nothing alike, I don’t try to be like her, I just admire her and I’m happy for her. Both your inner life and work life become much more fulfilling and joyful and successful when you turn envy into study or admiration. Bitterness is just a poison you’re feeding yourself.